Jesus VS McCain/Palin

This was emailed to me, but I can’t find the original source. Funny as hell though!

Man Sues Jesus for Breach of Contract

John Holmes has decided to file suit against Jesus in Ohio today. The suit alleges that Jesus “willfully neglected to fulfill certain verbal obligations made by the defendant.”

“I just don’t understand it,” John explains. “When I tell someone that I am going to do something, I do it. I mean, a man is only as good as his word, right? Especially if the man is the Son of God!”

In the suit, John claims that he was inspired one night while meditating on the Word of the Lord. As he read his Bible that night, a passage stood out to him and he was overcome with inspiration.

John 14:13 “I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”

“So, that night, I got down on my knees and prayed. I asked Jesus to give me a brand new Porsche 911 by the end of the week. I had a high school reunion to attend and I wanted to drive the Porsche there. I figured that people would ask me what I did now to afford a car like that and I thought that that would be a good opening for me to witness to them. Even if I only led one of them to the Lord with the story of how I really got the car, that would glorify God.”

Unfortunately for John, the reunion came and went. John drove to the reunion in his 1995 Saturn SL1. He has yet to receive the Porsche. TJM has tried to contact the defendant, Jesus, but he has been unavailable for comment.

PWNED

True String Theory

Just for a little fun…

Autographed Book Contest

UPDATE FOR THOSE COMING LATE IN THE GAME: All entries are in and have been published for your review and vote. Find all the entries here.

Thanks to our friend at Debunking Christianity, John Loftus, TJM is holding a small contest. We our looking for your story. What were the triggers that led you down the path of skepticism? Did you forsake a religion? What is your de-conversion story? Have you always been an atheist? Why?

Yes, these are the things we want to hear about. May the best article win. Win what? An autographed copy of the book, ” Why I Rejected Christianity: A Former Apologist Explains” by John Loftus. Don’t know about John? Allow me to give you some background info on him.

How have I gone from being a defender of Christianity to an atheist? That is the question of this book. I was a Christian apologist set for the express purpose of defending Christianity from intellectual attacks. I was not afraid of any idea, because I was convinced that Christianity was true and could withstand all attacks. Now I turn that same intellectual muscle into questioning the things I formerly defended.

I graduated from Great Lakes Bible College, Lansing Michigan, in 1977. Afterwards I became the Associate Minister under Eddie Bratton in Kalkaska, Michigan, for two years. Then I attended Lincoln Christian Seminary, Lincoln, IL, and graduated in 1982 with M.A. and M.Div. degrees, under the mentoring of Dr. James D. Strauss. After this I attended Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, and graduated in 1985 with a Th.M degree, under the mentoring of Dr. William Lane Craig. I also took classes at Marquette University in a Ph.D. program with a double major in Philosophy and Ethics, but didn’t finish. At Marquette I studied with Dr. Ron Feenstra, Dr. Marc Greisbach, and Dr. Daniel MaGuire. I have taught extension classes for Lincoln Christian College, Lincoln, IL, and I taught for Great Lakes Christian College, Lansing, Michigan, for the College of Lake County, in Grayslake, IL, for Tri-State University, Angola, IN, and for Kellogg Community College, Battle Creek, MI. I was in the “Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers” in 1996.

From December of 1987 to December of 1990 I was the Senior Minister of the Angola Christian Church, Angola, IN, and for a year was the President of the Steuben County Ministerial Association. Before that I had several ministries in Michigan, Wisconsin and Illinois. I was in the ministry for about fourteen years, or so, and wrote many articles for the Christian weekly magazine, The Christian Standard.

I have a copy of this book, and it is a great read. Entries will be taken until Tuesday, May 6 2008. All entries will be posted in a new section on the site for peer review. Sunday, May 10, the winner will be announced. The winner will be chosen by you, the readers. There will be a rating with each essay, highest rating wins.

Pleases send all submissions to bookcontest [@] thejesusmyth.com. This email address will be invalid after may 6, so get writing! This contest is open to current authors on TJM and everyone.

Republican Gays are Such Troopers!

A homosexual Republican governor gave an interview to this weekend’s New York Times Magazine.  No, not the one from Florida! Texas Governor Rick Perry, whose wife ALLEGEDLY caught him several years ago with the staff of a stiff staffer, jumped with alacrity to point out that the profits from his new book “On My Knees” – no wait, I think the book is actually called something like either “On My Back” or, somewhat less plausibly, “Oh My Honor” — are going to help the Boy Scouts of America wage legal fights against those pernicious homos.  (As you will recall, the homersexualists are absolutely mad about those beauty-pageant-like sashes that hold merit badges for useful things such as tying knots. Trust me: only a former Boy Scout should be trusted with an Hermes silk tie!) 
Honestly, is there a more hospitable climate for homo-hating than the Republican closet? Furthermore, what’s with all these sodomite governors? I do hope it isn’t turning into yet one more profession we Republican ladies have to turn a surreptitious wink or blind eye to. After all, I don’t approve of homosexuals at all, but you’re a braver woman than I if you walk out of your Christian home with a straight man’s skirt, handbag, shoes or hair!

 Betty Bowers

The REAL Mohammed Teddy Bear In Stores Soon!

Muslims in Sudan are practically rioting in the streets and calling for the execution of the British teacher, Gillian Gibbons. We hear at TJM know exactly why this is. You see, when you think of Islam and its’ founder Mohammed, you naturally think of peace, love, acceptance and tolerance. It is a disgrace that one would allow a class to name a teddy bear after such an important figure. At least…a normal teddy bear! Read more

Atheism is a Dangerous Religion!

(Please, for the love of your god, if you do not understand what satire is, don’t comment!)

Please Don’t Abort Your Sperm!

What kind of atheist are you?

Take the test:

My results:

Angry Atheist	–>		83%
Militant Atheist	–>		83%
Agnostic	–>		75%
Scientific Atheist	–>		75%
Spiritual Atheist	–>		58%
Apathetic Atheist	–>		50%
Theist	–>		0%

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=34703N

I guess I am angrier than I thought.

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