Matthew Murray’s world was haunted by demons.

Somehow, a child of a prominent doctor, someone who was home schooled in a comfortable Denver suburb, evolved from would-be Christian missionary to a killer trying to rain Columbine down on the Christian world.

A family spokesman said Murray grew up in a loving home. But other interviews and what appear to be Murray’s own online ramblings portray a disturbed individual who resented his sheltered upbringing, had problems with his mother, heard voices in his head, felt rejected and abused — and yet appeared to be searching for a place to belong.

He sought refuge in everything from an online forum for recovering Pentecostals to an occult group.

End of quote and beginning of my rant.

I feel so much pity for this young man. It was no loving home he grew up in; if it was his parents would have known about his problems. Voices in his head? Did they think it was Jesus talking to him? Wasn’t it a warning? Or is it a given that the religious expect to hear voices? Isn’t that what is taught from the pulpit and in the Bible where and everpresent but invisible being hears and sees everything we do and say, but only speaks to the chosen in the heads?

I know only too well about the isolation of growing up in a fundie home. No one to talk to, no one to discuss anything with; from religion to social aspects. God is supposed to be your best friend and he is supposed to provide all the answers. The contrary is however true. God is not the answer, it is the problem; remove God/Allah with his unfair and inhuman expectations out of the equation and leave us to be normal human beings with normal desires and emotions.

I blame Mathews parents and ultimately religion for what happened. When the bubble burst and Mathew needed support, he was alone; so he went on internet forums to have the outlet he so desperately needed. He wanted to disassociate himself from his religious background but was so brainwashed that it caused him only pain and anguish, intense bewilderment and in the end, a tragedy.

What will happen now is that fundie parents will prohibit their children to have access to the internet – and the snowball becomes only bigger. The young men and women will become increasingly isolated and bewildered in a world full of temptation, a flesh and blood body screaming for release which is sinful in the eyes of the God they pray to.

A few of Mathew’s cries for help on forums:

I remember growing up in pentecostalism/evangelicalism, we were always told to support the republicans/conservatives and to “hate those evil satanic democrats.” Jesus never said to put our trust in any political leader, yet we see so many christians trying sooooo hard to believe that “America was founded on fundamentalist evangelical christianity and we must turn america back towards God!!!(the evangelica/fundamentalist/pentecostal version nontheless)”

Another one:

Internet was treated as one of Satan’s special weapons in the “end-times” to promote sex(which everyone knows is of the Devil…..) Everyone was terrified that one of us teenagers *might* get a glimpse of a naked body and become demon possessed. This always confused me for how can viewing what God designed be satanic at the same time? And if we “lust” are the demons able to read our thoughts and somehow *know* to seize upon us? Isn’t it possible to see nudity without *lusting* somehow? Of course, the senior pastor’s two oldest children, one male the other female, got someone pregnant and got pregnant; the other two younger ones were proven to be sexually active. Other church leader’s children were sexually active.

More important:

Well, I got all fed up with the insanity, hypocrisy, conflicting doctrines, the and lack of absolute answers in regards to “salvation,” heaven and hell and other theological issues, the child abuse, brainwashing, lies, gossip, scandals, threats and fear mongering. I got tired of always hearing “oooohh, you’re saved by grace, not by works!” “Everybody loves you! Jesus loves you!” only to hear about how I was going to hell for watching “The simpsons” or could lose my salvation and could never be certain if 30 years from now I might lose it due to some odd sin and die in an accident and end up in this eternal hell preached to us day and night.

Me, I found a new Law to live by and I realized……I don’t have to be abused nor submit to these liars and their lies nor do I have to be afraid of this make-believe hell and false theory of salvation which no fundamentalist Christian could ever give solid answers on.

Me and many others are waking up.
We will rise up above and against these abuses against humanity.
Men will no longer be ruled by fear and superstition, oppressed by bigotry and tyranny.

In his own words.