I guess what I’m trying to say is…

I have a dear friend who is searching. He can’t say he is a Christian but he just can’t quite let go of the thought that there might be a god who made it all happen. Someone had to have their “hands” in this, right? I mean, how could this just happen? We wrote back and forth for a bit, and I thought I’d share my thoughts from my last e-mail with him and the rest of the world too. I’m not claiming to have all the answers, but I’ll still share the thoughts that I find comfort in these days.

“Now, as for dying. You know the times that I went through, fearing death. (This can be read in my blog An Atheist Homeschooler). This was a time when I lay in bed, and I got smaller and smaller, and eternity got bigger and bigger… and all I could see was that eternity kept existing, while I didn’t. All I had were 80, maybe 90 years, out of an eternity. It drove me crazy, made me panic to the point where I almost wanted to experience death now, so I knew what it felt like. Paradox, isn’t it? I am not suicidal, and I never have been. But I wanted to feel it so I could have peace of mind, knowing that possibly I wouldn’t feel anything and therefore be even more scared of dying. It was devastating to me, because I, just like every other human being, needed that assurance that with death everything does not end, that I will actually keep existing. Only I didn’t have a religion to cling to.

Well, X., the problem is… that no matter what you find comfort in believing while you are alive, in the end when we die we still all go to the same place. I understand how people need a belief to feel this comfort, but in the end, no matter if you believe in heaven, hell, or nirvana… we still are all going to the same place… or no place at all. My thoughts on death these days are… I don’t remember it being painful before I was born. As a matter of fact I don’t remember at all. So if that wasn’t painful, I don’t really care about what I was before I was born… maybe I simply won’t care when I’m dead. Isn’t the time before I was born death???I guess what I’m trying to say is, what good is it to try to believe in a god, when this is simply for my own comfort? The fact is that I don’t know. The fact is that I’d rather not know than believe and follow blindly and then be disappointed that I was wrong my whole life. Yes, you might say, that I could be all wrong about my disbelief. True… but truth is also that I’d prefer to live my life to the fullest without worrying about heaven or hell. I’d rather try to be a good person just because. No more, no less.

X., if there were a god, then he would be much wiser than any human being is making him. Then he is NOT, like the bible says vengeful and brutal. If there is an entity that is infinitely wise, then this entity will not punish people because of their own beliefs, and he will not reward because you tried harder, because he knows that each one of us does what he/she thinks is right. If we knew any better we would do so. This god, in his infinite wisdom would know of the limited minds we have. He would be above and beyond anything that you could ever imagine. He would not be the god of a book that is as inaccurate in its claims as the first map of the world.

I refuse to believe that this god who has been created by Christians is supposed to be the one true god, when I see so many different religions that are all so similar to Christianity. And they were there before Christianity. It’s just that Christians dismiss those religions by making the world only 6000 years old. How convenient. They refuse to even consider the fact that they might be copying another religion, that had their own messiah, their own god, their own rituals.

The reason why religions are so powerful is that they have rewards and threats to keep you in your place. Be nice and you’ll go to heaven, be bad and you’ll go to hell. They feed you early on, knowing quite well that later you will use your critical thinking skills, and you will ask questions, and it won’t be so easy anymore to believe blindly in some fairy tale stories about a man walking on water and feeding thousands of people with five loaves of bread. Faith is taught at a young age, because at a young age you are easy to impress. You believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny. Why not believe in God?

The truth is that church leaders don’t really want to prove the existence of a god. Because if there was really evidence for his existence, faith (defined as: belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence) would no longer be necessary. (You don’t need to believe in something that has been proven) And without faith religions would no longer be necessary. And without religions this world would be a heck of a lot more peaceful.

Okay, so I kind of went all over the place with my ranting, but this is what I, with my very small brain have figured out… and it just kind of feels right. :)”