Daniel Zahn
I was raised in a protestant Christian household. We went to church every Sunday and most Wednesday nights. My earliest memories of my questioning of faith were when I was probably 5-6 years old and I wanted to understand speaking in tongues. There were a few people in the church who would do this from time to time and I asked about it and never got an answer that satisfied me. It just sounded like they were faking to me. I cannot remember for sure but I believe they were trying to teach us kids how to do it.
As a kid I always thought going to church was a waste of a good weekend and would rather hang out with my friends most of which were not religious; or at least they didn’t go to church, we never had theological discussions.
I think I did stay fairly believing at some level till I was in junior high when I started questioning faith again. This time it was hypocrisy and the way my parents and others in the church approached prayer. It was like prayer wasn’t a way to speak to god so much as a way to make the people around you hear what you are praying for. So if you want your son to behave better, you pray to god with your son right next to you to make your son behave better. Things like this just drove me nuts. I also remember looking at the supposed “good” kids from our church and I couldn’t see them doing anything good. They mostly ignored the pastor in church and talked amongst themselves. Alot of the teens all seemed to sit in the same section together, with me in the last row behind most of them.
Science probably had something to do with things as well as evolution and other concepts were more fully introduced to explain the things that I had no other explanation for than what the church said. I remember debating evolution with my youth paster as a one on one when I was around 15 or 16. He didn’t bring up anything I couldn’t refute and he didn’t make any dent in my new stance on life.
I was still forced to go to church by my mother until I was 16-18 so I mostly found ways to occupy my time by doing oragami with the bulletin or ditching for a while to go to the donut shop nearby. One memorable day the pastor looked to the teen section and asked how many of us were forced to be there by their parents. I raised my hand high and proud. I don’t think any of the rest of the kids were paying that much attention but I know none of them would have dared to do it. Most of the church looked our way. I stared at the back of my Mom’s head the whole time and she never turned around. She knew I had my hand up. The Pastor thanked me for my honesty in front of the church and we briefly talked afterwards.
By the time I was 18 I was a firm Atheist. Comparative religion classes and psychology classes in college just helped me affirm my beliefs (or lack thereof) even more.
[ratings]
