Dick Ellis
I’d never been a strong believer. At the age of four I believed more strongly in the existence of Santa Claus than Jesus. Santa left tangible proof of his existence behind once a year in my sock, whereas Jesus… the guy didn’t offer any evidence. Later, I discovered the evidence for Santa Claus had been falsified. My parents’ had deliberately lain out presents to trick me into believing in much the same way many Christians seem to think God has deliberately corrupted the evidence found in the fossil record to lead humankind astray and into the arms of science. If God would do this kind of thing, God would be truly treacherous indeed. If you’re omniscient, then it can’t be too difficult to deceive the barely cognizant. This has nothing to do with why I became an atheist, but this does…
One word: Hell.
It’s been shown in studies that humans, and other primates, have an innate, evolved, sense of fairness, and this sense of fairness, in me, was the first step into atheism. The idea of infinite punishment for an extremely finite transgression of the Law sure didn’t seem fair to me. Even Hitler deserves parole at some point, right? Hell: that was the rub. It rubbed me wrong. It had been my best motivator for believing in God because, as I was repeatedly told by my pastors, parents and peers, if you don’t believe in God you’re going to Hell. I was always worried I didn’t really believe. I didn’t know how to gauge if my belief was real or just play. Eventually, it became too exhausting and by the eighth grade I no longer cared. During the boring rigors of confirmation Hell came up, and that’s when I concluded Hell was entirely unfair. Once the pillar of Hell was taken away from the Christian fortress the whole thing began to break apart. I was left with nothing. I rejected the whole kit and kaboodle, but still got confirmed to get my hands on those gift cards full of cash. My parents weren’t going to stop me from dropping out of confirmation, but they did suggest I stick with it for the money. It was a very “Gabba-gabba, we accept you. One of us.” moment. For awhile I wandered around in a semi-pantheistic daze. If God didn’t exist, but the universe did, then God was the universe. That seemed simple until heard of Occham’s Razor, and I decided the universe didn’t have to be some kind of intelligence in disguise. It was just what it was, whatever that might be. I was then, before graduating from high school, an atheist. I knew my parents were wrong not to take away my heavy metal records.
If you’re in the race only because of the whip, then once the whip gets dropped, the race for you is over. Also, I was allergic to all that cheap perfume worn by the pious church-going ladies. Those sneezing fits might have been the holy spirit trying to get the hell out of me.
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