Jen Schultz
I felt empty, alone.
Religion was the way to go, right?? I was 11, it was worth a try. I tried to be religious, for a decent part of my life I tried. I read the bible, but I never heard God speaking to me. How was I to know his voice??? You’ll just know, was always the answer. I prayed for God to speak to me, silence. I prayed harder, maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough, maybe I wasn’t doing it right; silence, not one single word. I attended more church services, the silence continued. God was speaking to other people; I saw it at church services! Why was God ignoring me? Why couldn’t I hear him? All around me people were hearing him, it was everywhere. I bought devotional books with my allowance and any money I could earn. I bought different bibles, I attended conferences, I consulted with my pastors.
I asked too many questions. You shouldn’t ask God questions, the bible held every answer you could ever imagine. It was beautiful how something so old could still apply to situations right now. God didn’t like pests, so I should quit bothering him and read his word that would answer all my questions.
I started high school, I had a knack for math and science, and I enjoyed those classes. But women were supposed to submit to man. We should stay home, keep house and raise the children. But that idea didn’t make me happy not one bit, I had a gift, and surely God saw that. I mean he didn’t talk to me but I was still His child, He knew me; He knew I had this gift. Maybe God would talk to me if I used my gift to serve him?
I had questions in class, but the bible had all the answers, right? But my questions weren’t answered. My problem in class for solving Pi didn’t match what the bible said. How could that be? The bible answers all questions, God has the answers. But the laws of math said this was the answer; I was doing the problem right wasn’t I?
A very smart religious person used the bible, lots of time and lots of counting and found that the earth was only 6,000 years old, amazing. But wait, science says its over 4 billion years old, wow. They get that answer from independent people, nearly the same answer each time, that is incredible!
Maybe there is something to science. I wrestled with myself for the rest of high school and beyond. I felt empty, I was alone.
On a slow day at work, I found the internet. I had nothing else to do – what am I interested in?? Ohh astronomy has always been fun, what does the internet have about astronomy? The first website, was www.badastronomy.com. Wait?? There is such a thing as bad science too?? Then the Bad Astronomy Blog, Skepchick, Pharyngula, to name a few. I am not alone! These people are happy without religion, could I be too? I instantly felt better, but yet not quite whole.
My appetite for knowledge is insatiable. I read every recommended blog, bought many of the recommended books about science, and about this idea called skepticism. I love Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan. The more I read, the more I learned, the more I understood. Yet the more I learn, the more I question. But I have found happiness in answering my questions, I found peace in always being the student. It hasn’t been long since I began to renounce my faith in religion and place it in something well founded, science.
I am proud to be a skeptic, and an advocate of science, self-proclaimed Geek/Nerd Princess. As I look back, the foundations were there, I ignored them because of the pressures of religion.
I am no longer empty, I am no longer alone. Science has quieted my soul and filled my heart.
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