Should Homosexuals be Allowed to Adopt?
November 11, 2007 by Sketch Sepahi
Let me come straight off the bat and say that I resent what is inherently implicit in this question. As if it were a valid ethical discussion in the first place. Why are we even debating this? Is there a single valid argument as to why they should not be allowed to enjoy these same rights as everyone else? This question invariably impinges just as grindingly upon my psyche’s Humbug-detector as any question would, were it to question the extent heterosexuals, socialists, ethnic immigrants etc. should be allowed the same. Throughout all the pompous babble of those who would blush with indignation by the mere thought of two people, who by happenstance were born the same sex and enjoy the company of each other – carnal and otherwise – being allowed to raise a child in a loving and nurturing environment, I have yet to sort out any cogent justification for their “righteous” fury. I assure you that I have attempted such a feat on many occasions but apparently it is beyond my humble capabilities.
As much of their self-perceived moral high-ground is hinged upon the idea of homosexuality as a morally repulsive sin, I have on numerous times proposed the following challenge: name just one reason why homosexuality is wrong and I will, by my word, join your crusade. I can picture the fervent leafing through the Bible and subsequent clattering of keyboard-keys already. However, there are two rules that you must adhere to in this challenge: firstly, no religious references are allowed. The reasoning behind this is quite simple; the Bible’s say-so is no more a valid argument for homosexuality being immoral than it is for the existence of unicorns. (Yes, it does purport both.) Secondly, there are to be no appeals to nature. The fact that homosexuality does indeed occur quite frequently amongst nature’s species aside, morality can never be inferred simply from what is natural. If you are reading this it is because I wrote it on an unnatural medium and presumably you are also reading it on one such.
I will grant, though, that homosexuality not being wrong does not automatically exempt homosexuals from scrutiny in regards to their child-raising qualifications. Still, you should have given up by now. The only arguments left stand on rickety ground indeed. I am almost embarrassed to even treat the following seriously, as any intelligent person will see it for what it is. But for the sake of a complete whole I shall include this moronic line of thought. It is the notion that a child raised by homosexuals will develop a skewed world-view and be at considerable risk of growing up to be a homosexual itself. “Heavens, no!” one is tempted to retort sarcastically “Just as heterosexual clearly beget solely heterosexual children. And woe be us if people grow up to consider homosexuality as something commonplace!” Another such argument, albeit not quite so devoid of common sense, is that a child has a need of both a male and a female role model in order to develop a healthy mental state.
It might be the case that such classical role models would be preferable, still many people throughout history have been raised by a single parent or, for instance, by a mother and her mother, (the latter being exactly equivalent) and, to my knowledge, no more of them grew up with an unhealthy psyche than is statistically probable for everyone. Besides, try asking any orphaned, little girl living in poverty, hunger and misery, which she would prefer; staying parentless or be raised by no more than two loving fathers who happen to be homosexual, providing her with a secure home and all the necessities of life. The presumed missing female role model (presumed because most likely at least one of the men would have a mother, a sister, a friend etc.) could always be found elsewhere or one of her foster-fathers could be effeminate.
The question really is not if homosexuals should be allowed to adopt. The question is rather why they currently are not. It is a case of the homophobic opposition having failed miserably to present any reason whatsoever as to their immature foot-stomping and putting-fingers-in-ears in hope that everyone will simply forget the issue if they alternately repeat incoherent bigotry ad nauseam and completely ignore any mention of a factually sober rebuttal of their holier-than-thou rhetoric.
The age of enlightenment was a long time ago. It is time you grew up and gave everyone equal rights. Allow gay marriage and adoption already. And while we are at it, elect a black, lesbian, atheist woman in a wheel-chair president, prime minister – or whichever political post of prominence is equivalent in your country – the next time around.
Editor’s Note- You can also find Sketch’s rants, musings and lyrics here!
In my opinion you’ve forgotten one issue - the social impact on the child of having two fathers. I’m on board with same sex marriage, and I don’t doubt that two men or two women would be capable of providing a stable, healthy, loving environment for a child to grow up in.
However, I think we all know how brutal kids can be, and having Adam & Steve as dads would make a kid a target for bullying. As wrong as it would be to bully another kid for having 2 dads, there are enough ignorant parents out there who wouldn’t be teaching the proper respect for this situation. Consider how many people consider homosexuality morally wrong - some will tell their kids how disgusting Adam & Steve are, and the kids will go on to attack the adopted child.
Hopefully the teachers themselves would be sensitive to the situation and would actively support the child, but given how strongly some people feel about this, I don’t think it’s a given.
Anyway, you seemed to be asking a question, and I thought I’d give my two cents worth.
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I appreciate your comment and I concede that you raise an important point. Though, I do think I already touched lightly - albeit sardonically - upon that very issue in the sentence: “And woe be us if people grow up to consider homosexuality as something commonplace!” As is you are absolutely right that there most certainly would be at least some negative social implications.
However, public derision for demanding one’s self-evident rights can hardly be an argument against those very rights rather than an acknowledgment of the fact that we are dealing with an out-dated and prejudiced world-view, which must be changed! After all, both black people and feminists - and every other struggling minority for that matter - must have expected public scorn for standing up for their rights but by doing so they managed to effectively change the zeitgeist. There will still be complications and bumps in the road. So be it. When the time comes we will deal with it. We will tell bullying children and their parents that while they are welcome to think and believe whatever they choose; such behaviour will simply not be tolerated. Sooner or later they will listen and when adoption by- and marriage of homosexuals has finally become more common you will see that a lot of prejudices cannot possibly be maintained when you have to look those prejudiced against in the eyes every day.
You see, Stone, I do not know the intentions behind your two cents’, so I trust you will forgive me if what I am about to say does not apply to you. However, if it does not I am sure you will agree that it does apply to all too many people out there. Therefore, I think it is worth saying. To me it seems that there is a sort of detrimental apathy underlying your words. You seem to be saying that, yes; you do see that there is a problem. You and I can both agree that there is nothing wrong with homosexuals raising children, but everyone does not and never will, so there is nothing we can do about it. No! Sorry, but that is just not good enough. I will not rehash the old cliché that if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. That is not helping any either. What I will say, though, is that a lot of the world’s ailments could be remedied if only people who do know better would only tell those who do not instead of apathetically accepting any injustice on the grounds that it is what everyone else seems to be doing as well.
Besides you concerns about adopted children being bullied are entirely dwarfed first of all by the fact that adopted children - or even all children - share a considerable risk of being bullied. It rarely has anything to do with anything the child is being bullied about rather than the bullies bullying with whichever means they can come up with. Skin-colour, parents’ occupation/sexuality, vision impairment, freckles etc. etc. Second of all, it is dwarfed even more so by my main point illustrated by the very drawing at the beginning of my essay; that no matter the bullying having no more than two loving parents is still infinitely better than having none. (Do you really think that being orphaned does not merit bullying by itself?) I hope my answer was satisfactory.
Respectively,
Sketch Sepahi
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I think that a person gay or straight should be able to adopt just because it is same sex doesnt mean that they wont love the child the same as a straight person im 15 and people are already asking my opinion about this
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Hello, Heaven (I like your chosen nickname) thank you for your comment. It seems to me that already at the age of 15 you have a far more mature take on this issue than most adults. I see no reason for you to hold your opinions back.
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The argument that a child might come against discrimination for having gay parents doesn’t pass the fairness test. While it is true that this may occur, the child nor the parents are to blame for this action. Imagine if we were to withhold the rights of people because bad people might harm them: People of color would not be allowed to vote because the KKK might attack them on their way to the polls. Black children would not be able to attend school, because some people who think blacks should not attend the same school as whites might attack them. In the past these things have been reasons to stand up against oppression, not given as reasons for the continuance of that oppression. There are no legitimate reasons why gay couples should not be allowed to adopt kids. None.
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Personally, I don’t know any gay men who have adopted but I would never doubt their ability to be good parents.
On the other hand, I do know several lesbian couples with kids & I must say that those children are among the best kids I’ve ever known. They tend to be well rounded, open minded, and above all, well mannered & polite.
I voiced this observation once & was told that’s because lesbians don’t take crap from anybody, especially their kids!
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Any person or persons with the means to care for and adequately love a child or children should not be denied that. There are plenty of heterosexuals in broken relationships struggling to do what’s best for their own children. Why shouldn’t an orphaned child be allowed to be with a couple in spite of the nature of the couple. Unless these parents are committing the sex act in front of these innocent children that should be of no concern to those who deny rights based on one’s sexuality.
There’s no problem for 2 sisters or two brothers to raise a child. Or even a mother and daughter or Father and son or any number of male/male female/female home situations. The honest issue is in reference to the sexuality and nature of the relationship. Which is irrelevant to raising a child.
One of my aunt’s (who is lesbian) raised her daughter, two adoptive children and their collective children alone at times and partnered others. These children are grown now and well rounded.
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I have friends and relatives who were same sex couples, and with children from a/the divorce; developed the most wonderful young adults I have ever had the joy to meet.
Concern and loving parenthood is what counts.
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Yes, yes of course gay couples should be able to adopt; not even a question. But WTF is up with that music video!?!
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I have known cases where it is dangerous for the child to continue to live with straight parents.
One case I remember very well was of my neighbours, The woman had left her husband and moved in with this creepy guy and they’d get drunk regularly and spend the night beating each other senseless, which I could hear from my bedroom which was only meters away from their house.
The next day, She’d emerge with bruises to her face and say it was some type of accident she’d had.
But She bought along her daughter, who was about 12 then, and I know she was terrified and would lock herself in her bedroom when this would go on.
To make matters worse, this couple had a baby, who during these binges would be taken into the bedroom by the girl and protected.
It’s not whether the couple is gay or straight… but whether they’re any good at looking after children, that is the most important thing.
Wolfie!
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Rick, the video has nothing to do with what I wrote. It’s a feature of thejesusmyth.com to display a video there.
Thanks for the comments everyone.
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Where it all goes wrong for me is that the Christians love to pretend that they have a copyright of family values and so called morality. It is all so easy for them to say that heterosexuality is good and homosexuality is bad. And yet everywhere we see that their leaders are not only gay— but they’re involved in criminal sexual activities involving drugs, male hookers and public toilets and heaven only knows what else. At the same time, these so-called leaders and senators are pretending that they are against gays. To show how much they hate gays they pass anti-gay laws and preach against gays about how much God hates gays and how these folks are going to jail.
But then there is heartbreak when the Christians own sons and daughters turn out to be gay. It always happens in the family which are most hostile to gays. I know numerous hetero fathers who are heartbroken that their handsome bright seventeen year old has just committed suicide. Why they ask? Why me?
And of course, the whole community knows exactly what happened: that the father’s attitude toward homosexuality drove the poor kid to take his own life.
The Politics of Sexuality is simply that there are more of them than there are of gays. Until that situation reverses they will be obnoxious. So why bother listening to them? Just ignore them.
Adopt and raise your children.
If the kid turns out to be better looking and smarter than their kid, well… the Christians were always going to hate you any way.
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Bill Dugan, your comment reminds me of something Dan Savage said on Real Time.
“Most people who seek to impose their morality on others usually have a hard time imposing it on themselves, which is what we see with the evangelicals in the United States, where the divorce rates and out-of-wedlock birth rates are higher in the Bible belt than they are in Massachusetts or California or Washington.”
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Kids raised by homosexuals will themselves become homosexuals. Even worse, these gay guys will try to adopt young boys to have strange sex with them. God! Is there anyone out there who still cares?
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AndyChow, I invoke Poe’s law on you. I sincerely hope you are a satirical troll, but these days it is impossible to distinguish the humorously sarcastic from the genuinely stupid and bigoted morons out there.
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