Veggie Tales: What the Hell!?
August 26, 2007
Friday night I was baby sitting for the “Perfect Couple”. We’ll call them the Cleavers.
I’ll give you a little background on the Cleavers. They are very Baptist, and they home school both of they’re sons, Kevin (8) and Kenny(10). Kevin’s a normal kid. He has energy he plays with toys, all the normal stuff….besides the unhealthy Veggie tales addiction I’ll get to in a bit. Kevin on the other hand is the strangest kid I have ever met. He spent the night telling me about Buster Keaton, his moms favorite comedian and coincidently his own.
The Cleavers are….odd. The evening started with Mama Cleaver telling me “You know, my qualification for baby sitters is ‘who would you trust with your life?’ because those kids are my life.” Now this was fine….a little over-protective but fine. So after waiting 30 minutes after I get there I receive my instructions “2 Veggie Tales episodes then they go to bed and cannot get up.”
Now I’m sure there are those of you out there who have never heard of veggie tales. Veggie Tales is a Christian computer animated cartoon where vegetables retell proverbs with a “modern twist” to teach kids about God….in an overly sanitized manner.
Heres a little clip from youtube.
The clip above is from the “Silly Songs with Larry” segment where the main character Larry the phallic symbol, I mean……. cucumber sings a song about whatever happens in that episode.
The whole thing is disgustingly bland. I watched the story of Lil’ Mo in Dodgeball city. It was about Moses. And instead of anyone dying, like you know the thousands of infants that are slaughtered, they are all floated in baskets “up the river”. Also, there is a definite hint of creationism in that the Grand Canyon is not formed by glaciers, it is carved by slaves…that Mo saves….without using dodgeballs (aka killing people).
Yeh. Riveting huh? Oh and the best part is the kids looooove it. They beg to watch it! Its all they are allowed to watch other then silent movies though so I guess I would too.
My whole point of this post, (no its not just ranting) is that this is how they get ‘em! The whole religion is based on hooking the kids while they are young with a fun happy version and then working in the gory non-nonsensical bits later, if ever!
The whole thing seemed very familiar and I thought back to when I was all young and into Jesus. And I remembered Bible camp. (Not Jesus camp, Bible camp and yes theres a different) Then it hit me! I watched these before. At bible camp I learned all of my proverbs from a talking salad and some Christian comedian that was basically a talking mustache…..we’re gonna go with that because all I remember about him was a mustache.
And then this occurred to me, what if atheists made a cartoon like that? Think of the outrage if Darwin and his friends were singing about evolution and the wonders of science! People would be pissed but because these Brussels sprouts are preaching the “good” word its fine. Personally, I’d love to see it. Any animators out there? Get on it!
But, back to my current little veggies, I was the ever wonderful babysitter. I said nothing and let them watch it. Then when the older creepy kid said it was bed time and instead of you know, faking it and staying up like normal kids do, he turned out his light and laid awake……in the complete dark. He even said hi when I looked in on him. It was insanely creepy. I think it has something to do with prolonged Vegetable exposure.
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I wonder what the parents would do if they found out you were a heathen! Those are two kids that will be in therapy once they hit their 30’s.
I watched all those films in Bible Camp as well. Very happy flowers and sunshine.
“where vegetables retell proverbs with a “modern twist” to teach kids about God….in an overly sanitized manner.”
Ha! Sounds like church!
Dude you’ve got vegetables teaching your church?!?! I would soooo go to church if some tomatoes were teaching.
Well, no, I don’t go to church at all. You see, it was a joke, the premise of which being that those preaching are “vegetables” in the brain-dead sense, and…
Oh forget it.
Awww….you got my hopes up for talking tomatoes….*sigh* well a girl can dream…
If it’s any consolation, you can always throw tomatoes at the clergy.
Oh I can see it now! “Sweet Mother Marinara!! Its the ketchup of the Holy Spirit.”